Single, Never Alone

Of course my first post would be on love & dating. After all, that was the inspiration behind my venture into blogging. I experienced mental abuse in the last serious relationship that I was in, so I used blogging as an outlet. It helped me to process and release my thoughts. My partner was not a supportive space for me when it came to certain aspects of my journey with mental health and spirituality.

Disclaimer: I will be typing what comes to mind and just allowing it to flow. I will be mindful of grammar. However, I won't be too much of a stickler because my primary goal here is for me to just express myself.

Eventually, the blog just grew into me exploring a variety of curiosities and life experiences. I enjoy sharing my insights with others online because it helps me to understand self and connect with others on a personal level.

Today I will speak on my singlehood. I have been single for seven years; it has been a journey. I broke up with my boyfriend in 2017 because he controlled and hovered over me too much. Additionally, we had different perspectives on religion and spirituality that we would not coexist with at the time.

The first few months after our break up was great; I immediately began going out more, spending more time with myself. I began working a better job, got my own place, spent more time with friends and focused more on my hobbies. I began to see other people. I didn't really go on any dates because I honestly didn't know what a real date was. I thought that fucking around was dating. I didn't realize I was settling for less and that there was more out there for me to explore.

I moved away from where I lived with my boyfriend, and settled into a other state. It wasn't until I moved that I began to actually explore the dating scene. I made myself a Tinder account and began going on dates almost every night. Some nights I would go on dates back to back, lol. Some men I would meet in person outside of meeting them on the app.

For example, I remember I met this one man on the bus riding to work in the morning. He was so intrigued by me reading the book that I was holding, that he struck up a conversation with me. He asked me for my number. Something deep down inside told me to say no. However, I gave it to him anyway. We got to know one another and spent time talking to each other exclusively for a few months. He wanted to be my boyfriend, but I wouldn't make things official because I didn't trust him yet. He proved me right and we ended our little love connection.

This love connection proved to be disappointing because I really had high hopes. It was the closest I had gotten to a relationship since the breakup in 2017.

A plethora of other things happen during my time in this new state. I would literally have to write a book about it...it's so much. But like I said, it's been quite the adventure.

For the most part, I've had my moments of fun, joy, and laughter. Other times, have been depressing and almost dangerous to my livelihood.

Right now, I am still single and searching. I am primarily focusing on myself and my personal issues. However, I am still looking for who they call " Mr. Right".

I feel like even when you are single, you are never alone if you are on the dating scene trying to figure things out. I've had quite the selection of suitors and we have experienced quite the range of emotions and circumstances that situationships bring.

Most recently, I had four suitors end ties with me; three ended ties with me due to their relations with another woman, and one ended ties with me due to him be jealous about the other ones.

This has left me complacent on this love making and dating scene. I feel as though I have been made to feel like a widow who never wishes to remarry. However, I would argue that singlehood is not my kryponite; it has not been my only downfall.

Singlehood has not been all bad. During this time, I have learned a lot about myself; I have learned what type of people I like, my personal needs and wants, and how to communicate effectively to potential partners. I have learned the importance of self care. I routinely have taken myself on solo dates to embody self love. Moreover, I have learned how to simply enjoy the presence of another genuine being as I float through space. Things do not always have to be so complicated. It has been the simplest things in my relationships that have brought me the most joy and fulfillment. These include but are not limited to, picnics, dinner dates, movies, walks, talks, and laughter.

I have learned to love myself with a depth that words cannot describe. I have learned how to be present with myself through my anxieties, fears, and frustrations. I have learned to have hard and honest conversations with myself about how I feel. I have learned to tackle the issues I witness being an observer of this tumultuous society. I have learned not to take things so damn personally. And most importantly, I have learned when it's time for me to walk away from situations and let go.

I was inspired to write this blog entry after one of my old suitors assumed that my dating life is bad being that I am single. And while my dating life has not been what I would like for it to be, it has been what I need in order for to learn the things I require for my personal growth.