No Support

I'm sitting down texting a friend of mines. I also just took the time to think about my circumstances, and I have come to realize that I need more than what I have been settling for. I am in a rehab program. I have issues with alcohol, so the rehab is not completely useless. However, it is not really what I need, nor is it addressing the real issue that I have.

I need housing. I need a better support system. I have not had this because I have continously been abused and neglected by friends, mentors, and family. I feel like the treatments that I have received have only touched the surface of my issues. The root of the issue is the people, places, and things I have dealt with.

These are the texts that I sent my friend:

"Alot of people judge me for my circumstances but they don't understand the real reason behind things. I feel like people blame me for my lack of things but it's really because I don't have a support system .I am just expressing how I feel...I feel like a lot of black women go through a lack of support from their community...I'm not the only one who experiences this. I had tons of friends and was apart of a lot of different communities. I feel like In shouldn't be homeless because I feel like I should have more support but I don't. And I'm kind of mad because they got me on all these medications and shit ..I'm in these programs and doing therapy...but I'm getting to a point where none of this is working because it's not addressing the real issue. The real issue is my instability. Not my mental illness. I feel like if I had more support I wouldn't be depressed or going through it mentally and I'd be doing better for myself. Medications only touch the surface and therapy only works as much as it can. My sister told me no one knows u better than you...and that's just how I feel no one has been able to truly help me because they all don't know me how I know me either because they're not trying to or they're ignorant".

I expressed this from my heart. My friend listened and we chatted about it.

So what is the solution to my problem?

I believe it is just me continuing to support myself and utilize the resources available to me. For me to just focus on myself and being that support for myself first above anything.

I have to learn that my support system does not look like everyone else's or how I would want for it to look, but I can create one. I just have to build my relationships and connections up. I have to do like I did today and just communicate how I feel. I have to be honest about how I feel and who I am.

Many people may not understand, but there will be someone who does understand. I just have to be patient with myself and others, and others need to be patient and understanding towards me.

Nonetheless, there is nothing that I can not overcome. I have been through the wire and have turned out great. I just have to continue to push forward towards my goals and be consistent.