Just Airing It Out

I've experienced my fair share of bullying and harrassment over the years. So much so, that I would have to write multiple pages on it.

I want to share my last few experiences with it. Simply so that I can get this shit off of my chest. Also, because I feel like I have not been heard the way that I need to be.

Just a thought before I share: the lover that I told you about that I met in another state, he looked at me and told me that I would be bullied in that state. I did not understand the seriousness of what he was saying or the depth and magnitude of effect it would have over my life even though I had experienced tons of it before he had met me. I think sometimes it takes someone else's perspective for you to realize the seriousness of your struggles or challenges.

I am going to touch on what happened while venting on my thoughts about everything. Bear with me lol.

I want to note an incident that occurred with me that led to physical violence in August of 2023. On this day, I had went to the park to spend time with myself and to get out of the house because I was bored and needed some fresh air. I normally would go with the intention of seeing a friend I had at the time, but this time, I just went for me. I have to make this clear because people love to assume shit. My world did not revolve around you nor was I "obsessed" with you I had other shit going on. I went there , listened to music, played in the water for a bit, had a drink and was on my way to the bus to go home. I just happened to stop to chop it up with one of the girls I seen there, and we vibed so I stayed. I accidently dropped her bottle. Another girl came out of nowhere bitching about it. And I got mad because I didn't see why a bitch was complaining about me dropping the bottle by accident when my shit kept being dropped on purpose. Now, I didn't see who dropped it but if everytime I walk away and my shit dropped then somethings not right and somebody's doing that shit on purpose.

I said something about it and the girl got mad. She kept acting like she wanted to hit me or fight so I was like do something then if you got a problem. Because you acting like you have an issue with me starting shit when I didn't do anything to you.

I guess she was mad because I kept saying yall. But in my head I'm like yall because whoever it was is guilty by association. Yall all friends so I'm assuming yall had something to do with it.

I know its not right to assume. But thats what the energy was giving.

I kept talking shit. And I was drunk so I really don't remember half of what I said. Next thing I know we were arguing still. She was about to fight me and I just walked away and was like I just want my phone. She gone wait til I turn my back and hit me and then get her friends involved. They all jumped me.

I didn't even fight back .1 I don't fight. 2. I was drunk and in a fucking dress. Bitch who's fighting in a dress. 3. I didn't have no beef with them. I just didn't like them breaking my shit and picking on me. I was just speaking my mind and I felt like she didn't take it well.

After they hit me, I literally just got up and walked away and they left me alone. I walked away with a couple of scars, one on my knee and one on my elbow. Someone riding past gave me a ride home.

I feel like people just take shit too far and do shit for attention to win and have the last word. I wasn't giving her what she was looking for and her ego got the best of her and she got mad. A person like that always has to have and be in control. I wasn't looking for control I was looking to speak my mind and defend myself.

Nobody defends India or protects India like India. And that protection may look different than what people expect , but I do what I feel is necessary for me in that moment.

I personally feel like there was already beef they had towards me, for them to be so hostile and not let the shit go. I'm always being misunderstood by people.

The beef persisted once I left the state, over a different circumstance, but same vibe--- I was speaking my mind and bitches got mad. I commented under this dudes NGL on Instagram. I told him how I honestly felt about his best friend. He got mad and told her. They both started bitching and she DMed me Cussing me out wanting to fight and all this extra shit. We went back and forth for a while. Then, I finally blocked and reported her account because she kept threatening me. My whole thing with that was don't ask some shit you don't want the answer to, and I have the right to speak my mind just like anyone else. Just because I'm not apart of your crew and you don't like me doesn't mean I'm any less of a person. Because I know for damn sure yall been talking yall shit beforehand about me when I wasn't even on that shit like I said before. I didn't have any beef with anyone.

Same shit happened again with another dude. At this point I'm just like they just want to keep drama going. The dude has a girlfriend now but acted like it was still okay for me to talk to him. Only for his girlfriend to bitch at me. I'm like make up your mind. You're the one playing games with me. I would have been left you alone. Yall making it seem like I'm being thirsty and bothering yall when that's not the case. We were cool, now we're not cool anymore because of some fucked up shit you did and you don't want to take accountability for it.

This incident hurt me more because I feel like he really played with my emotions on some other level. I had really tried to learn to trust again with him and I felt like he just let me down. We had spoke about dating too; it just felt like everything we had spoke about he betrayed me on.

I wish I could go back and fix things. But it's not my job to fix anyone. It's not my job to try to make people see anything they aren't willing to see. And I know who I am. I don't need any of these people to validate that.

I'm glad I was able to walk away from all of this safely because I learned that some people really don't care for others. They care more about themselves and being right then what's actually right.

I'm glad that I am still able to acknowledge my feelings even though they hurt. I am glad that I can move forward with the hopes that there are better friends and lovers out there for me that will respect me.

Because clearly my past is my past and there didn't seem to be any respect there.